The Bully Solution

This comes as no surprise to anyone, but the issue/problem of “bullying” has grown to epidemic proportions. Many are saying “Stop bullying!” or “We need to stop bullying!”, yet they are not addressing foundational principles that will help get to the heart of the issue.  Rather, they are address symptoms and say they are “helping,” which is like saying a Band-Aid is “fixing” cancer.  Please read through the following principles and consider how we need to address the foundational issues of bullying.

What is Right?  We must teach a standard of right and wrong that is unchanging.  Nearly everyone will say that the bully is wrong.  Yet, one must admit is that in the majority of cases the bullied has broken God’s standard of righteousness by wrongfully responding to the bully even before it becomes a “bullying” situation, and usually afterward, as well.  We must bring both parties to the point of recognizing that God sets a standard of right and wrong His standard does not change with society’s whims.  We therefore bring them back to the truths of God’s Word.  Psalm 119:9, 11 (NKJV) “How can a young man cleanse his way?  By taking heed according to Your word.  Your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against You.”

Who am I?  We must teach individuals that they are created in the “image of God” (Gen. 1:26-27), as the greatest of all of God’s creation.  Our value, therefore, comes from the fact that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  Psalm 139:14   My value or worth does not change when someone calls me a name, or makes fun of my clothing.  My value does not change by how smart, good-looking, or talented I am.   These things are all temporary, and will pass away.   The bullied needs to change the way they look at themselves, to see how God looks at them.  The bully needs to recognize that they are attacking one whom God specially created for His purpose, and they will give account to Him for their behavior.

As one created in God’s image, all of us are to be reflecting the character of God by striving to be loving, caring, holy, forgiving, gracious servants of Him.

How do we resolve our conflict?  The majority of bullying situations grow out of unresolved conflict.  This conflict and fighting comes as a result of our own selfish desires (James 4:1). We must learn not to respond to others sin by attacking them.  I must learn to respond calmly (Prov. 15:1).   We must learn that retaliation is never right (Prov.  20:22; Rom. 12:17; I Peter 3:9).  We must know that God has saved revenge as His right and responsibility (Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30).  He sees and knows all, and He is all-powerful, and therefore able to deal with the problem.  We must trust Him to deal with the problem through the authorities that He has set up or personally.  It may not always be the response for which we were wishing, but we can be certain God will deal with it.

Our response is to do everything in our power to live peaceably with all men (Rom. 12:18).   This does not mean we can compromise the truth of God’s word, or disobey His

commands, but we can do everything up to that point to bring about peace in our relationships.

The starting point:  In just this short space we have recognized that there is a standard of right and wrong that has been compromised in our relationships.  This “missing the mark” of God’s righteousness is called sin.  And the “wages of sin” is death (Rom. 6:23). That is bad news, but the good news is that the “gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord” (Rom 6:23).  God in His love sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross to pay the penalty of our sin (John 3:16).  We therefore must recognize our sinfulness and the consequences or our sin and believe that Jesus Christ is the only remedy for that sin.  Are you ready to put your faith in Christ to take the punishment for your sin? 

This bullying problem will continue to increase if we do not teach and train individuals with these truths.  For more help, daily encouragement and more thorough explanations, as well as, other topics such as love and authority: find “The Bully Solution” on Facebook or twitter (@BullySolved) and follow so you get all the updates, or look up www.thebullysolution.blogspot.com to follow our blog.   The bully solution is a ministry of First Baptist Church of Littleton, IL . www.fbclittletonil.org

Faith-based counseling to help those struggling on either side of this issue is available by calling 309-257-2290.

Competent to Counsel

In Romans 15:14 Paul commended the Romans by saying, “Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. (NKJV)”  The final thing mentioned here is the Romans’ being “able to admonish” or some might translate it “competent to counsel.”   The word “admonish” comes from the Greek word “noutheteo” and carries the idea of warning, encouraging, or advising.  It is a comprehensive word for counseling and involves believers coming alongside other believers for spiritual and moral counseling.  This is not a gift or a job of just the clergy but it was the members of the Roman church that were being commended for this and it is the responsibility of every believer.

This is what John MacArthur has to say regarding this subject,

“Tragically, many Christians today have been convinced that competent counseling can only be accomplished by a person who is trained in the principles of secular psychology—despite the fact that the various schools of psychology are, for the most part, at extreme odds with God’s Word and frequently with each other. Although they may profess that “all Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16), many evangelicals—both those who give and those who receive counseling—do not rely on the full sufficiency of God’s Word.

There is no such thing as a psychological problem. All personal problems are either spiritual or physical. Anyone who suggests that so-called psychological problems can exist apart from or between those two realms of human existence does not understand either the nature of man and the power of sin or the nature and power of God’s Word and Spirit.^[1]

With him, I whole-heartedly agree.  In modern psychology individuals are often given a title that they are then stuck with for life.  If one searches the scriptures for these behaviors rather than finding a sickness that I will be stuck with for the rest of my life we find “sin”.  Though taking on the title of a sinner is not pleasant it is not permanent in that Jesus Christ paid the price for sin and for all those who recognize their sin and trust in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to pay the atonement for their sin there is victory.

God gives us two tools to help in this, first the Holy Spirit who indwells all who put their faith in Christ and the Scriptures.  Hebrews 4:12-13 “The Word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit and the joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”  In “Nouthetic” counseling we apply Scripture to problems and challenge people to be honest about their sin so that they confess it and forsake it.  This is when one is freed from the bondage of sin and is able to live the life that God intends them to live.

One who is given a title by a psychologist may be helped to get by in life to the point that they do not cause difficulty in their family or in their neighborhood.  In other words they are helped to “survive”.   But Jesus said, “I have come that you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly.”  He doesn’t want us just to survive, He wants us to THRIVE!

If you are tired of just surviving, a constant struggle with your own life or with your children and you desire to have a life that is thriving let one of us sit down with you and show you the freedom that you can have in Christ Jesus.  For more information see: www.fbclittletonil.org

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^[1] John F. MacArthur, Jr., Romans, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1991).